Time: 1104pm
Date: 9 May 2007




Just this few minutes back...I am really thanks to ALLAH as 1 of my fren, really tell me and make me see a picture...Realise it...His name is Darrul and guess what...
He told me that...In Life...this is all are something which u have to sometimes , show and prove to them that u no need them...
Because u don't really need them...I waste at least nearly 7 months like that by friending with him...
I don't blame him but I blame myself...I really don't know why that time I was like feels so all of a sudden like...It's hard to type it here...I mean to explain...
But whatever...I will not gonna be low...I have to prove it that what for u frens with a person who doesn't accept ur frenship...Maybe I think...During those time, it was just a false relationship...
All was just a part of his lonelyness...
I regret for whatever and all...
I just regret...Regreted...Feels I have a sin which I have to reprent...
Guess what.....
I used to open my heart for him right...But now, suddenly it like gone...
Forever...I really hope so...
There will be no any chances for him...
It's true I used to said that...
If GOD doesn't give us a 2nd chance, we need to adjust it ourselves...
But then, I think, he's not this type of person to give that chances...
I already tried...
But he never replied...So let it be...
A goodbye then...
Right now, I breathing hardly and stressly...
I think its over...
My heart is very pain already...
I can't take it any longer...
Let see what's destiny it going to destiny for me...
I will always pray for the best and if I can't get what I want, I belive that there will be much more better ones...
ALLAH knows the Best...HE Owns it all...
I will and must prove it...
All my frens says all its true that a guy like him shouldn't be trusted...
I think,I should have known the fact that he was just fooling around...
I already knew..As all my loved oneswere telling me at the first place but then I insisted to give him a second chance...
He also knews it too but then what to do...Nothing...
I just tried to prove to him even though my loved ones was saying like that, I still showered him with careness...
But everything, he got it all wrong...
I will take it as experience even though I regreted but then...
I'm sincere, honest and patience...
Oh..Wasting my time...
Till here then...
Take care...
Goodbye...
SaLaam

Time: 0423pm
Date: 9 May 2007




Just now, I attended the ITE College West Graduation Ceremony...
Everything was ok...But just now, when I was at the auditiorum, I felt that Jaspal attend the ceremony too but then..Nope, it's just all part of my missing...
Haiz...I don't know why...The more I try to forget him as time pass by, the more I sometimes, like missing him...
Sometimes, my mother will saw the way how I react and behave...And sometimes, she will told me from what her feeling is like...I don't know how to type it out...
I hope, whatever she says is true...I just don't want to care about it anymore...
The more I care, the more my heart is in pain...
All question is beng unanswered by him because mostly, the questioned is for me to ask him but how to ask...I don't want to disturb him as he is very busy and other than that no mood , stress...Confused.....I also don't know he stresed and confused about what...No modd until today maybe ???
I really also don't know sometimes I like...*sigh*





Why...Why..Why...
Because I know, u wouldn't miss me...
I just in my own world...
No use or no point...

Now, I have know that sometimes...In this Life...By having a bstfren...






But...I just don't get it till now...Why can't I understand myself...
I don't know...I mean...Why am I still having some feelings for him because what's the point of having some feelings as in missing the person when the person is not into u...
U r just wasting ur time ryt...???
That's why I don't understand myself...
WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Help me YA ALLAH...
I only belong to Shariffudin Mohd Raffi but y am I behaving and having feelings like this...???
I am like so questioned and just don't know...
I know that somtimes maybe is the careness which I had gave to a guy never before in my Life...Well...Or isit the memories of all with him???
I just don't get it with myself...
I must admit that I miss u more than I can admit...
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
YA ALLAH, please help me...
& also please shows the truth...
I just care for him, concern...Because he is my bestfren...
I just don't want to lose him...
But then, now...I am not sure whether we are still bestfren or not...???
I just don't know...
As for myself...I don't know whether u r still my bestfren or not because...The way u misunderstand me and everything...I'm sad...I'm hurt...
I know that he sometimes, not good as in , in handling problems or what as he is not good in words but then...







U really thinks me as in I'm in Love with u...Don't always go for what others says...Always feel and follow what's in ur mind or your heart...
Like me, even though there's a saying " all men are the same" , I don't simply agree because everyone are born to be themselves and they have their own ways...
So, there's no comparing...
I just don't know why...
But for now, I not sure whether u will miss me like I do...
Without contacting with u...It feels as in...It's hard to live in...
I hope, one day, if we are destiny to be together again as in in contact with each other, I will tell u the truth...I let u know...But all is just that...






I really hope, u will understand...Insya'ALLAH(AMIN)

_____________________________________________________________________________________



Anyway..sometimes..The other thing is that I will cried for no reasons..By missing u..Suddenly, tears came out from my eyes and rolled down tru my cheek...
Sometimes, I realise that







Then, only I knew what was it...It's just was all of what u can't try out to be spoken...
But...Sometimes, it's just like that...
All happens just like that...
But for now, I am not sure whether I have lost u or isit this is a destiny...???
For whatever reasons it is...I will always pray and wish u the best in Life...
Also, if this is to affect our ties, I have to accept this goodbye...
Maybe, we both are meant for somethings else...Even though as frens...I will miss u...I will miss this first ever guy bestfren...
My heart will always be open...But all the matter is time...
Till here...
Take Care...
SaLaam
Rabia

Time: 1027pm
Date: 8 May 2007



Guess what, never even reply my sms...
I sms him at night thought can talk to him but then no replys...
Well...It already been proved it might that he is really stress and confused...Or maybe its just an excuses that he just wants to avoid me...
Ijust finished crying again but I don't know why this heart still wants to shed tears for him after what he had done...
Probably he will msg me but I'm not sure when...That's part of my feeling as what I feel...
But then, I know it takes time for me to forget him...As a bestfren, I don't think we are like bestfren anymore...I , myself also don't know...
Well...Insya'ALLAH, I believe ALLAH will destiny me to meet Shariffudin Mohd Raffi sooner or later...I just accept this all as part of the test in Life...I regret knowing Jaspal...I wish time could rewind...But, I promise not to repeat this mistake anymore...
Probably, I will take it as if my relation ties is still close with Jaspal...It's hard and late for me to meet 'My Dream Guy' .....
Well...Somethings in Life to gain something which is much more better hopefully, Insya'ALLAH, u need to lose what is important for you at the moment...
I think and think...There's no point of me trying to save our bestfrenship when he, himself doesn't even cared about me...Its almost of 4 months of bestfren with him...Not included our knowings...

Well...it's sad...because everyday, I am always thinking what he does and u know...I wil like always wondering what Jaspal might doing right now even now...
Probably he might reach his house...And having something at least or change and rest or maybe u know he likes to just 'lepak' , yes something like that...

Why, why, why , why, why this heart can't stop bothering anything which relating to him???

...........I just don't know...........

Time: 0307pm
Date: 8 May 2007



Everything turns on messy...
He can feel that every pic msg which I display it at msn, is on him...
So, he misunderstands me...
He thinks I just follow what my hearts says...
He thinks I just a bloody lover for him...
I SWEAR I WILL NEVER LOVE HIM...
But he gets listened on by others...
The opinion is on him but the choice he picks is from others...
I think he might neva listen to his heart...
But he thinks Im a wat...
All the conversations I had with him just this few minutes ago will become a history to my Life...
I will never forget to the positives and the negatives he said or whatever towards me..
May ALLAH show him the truth of who am I...
I wish u all the best...
Take Care...
SaLaam
Rabia

Time: 0117pm
Date: 08 may 2007



Where were u when I need a fren???
Why u called urself my bestfren???
Why don't u care at least to talk to me once a week at least???
What's the wrong had I done with u???
What's the changing that u suddenly so different towards me???
Whom is the other girl which made u change out of a sudden???
Why can't u share at least a piece of breathe towards me???

Was it anything which u think that will be good or what by this way of relationship???

Don't u feel that our ties are not bonding , as not like usual and it's like shaking and aparting time by time...???
Why...Why...Why...
What's the use of doing this???

-I understand that u r just too busy...But there's time for another fren of urs...I know guys and girls is different...Don't compare...But u urself had lost ur so called ' true love' so u r trying to do this on others or wat???
-I don't blame u or putting words in ur mouth...Well..that's not my intention of whatever but then...Can u just feel it that how much I have cared for u???
I have cried for u??? I have patience for u???
This is all because of bestfrenship...Our bestfrenship...
U r the one who started it all but please don't u break it off...
If u knows u r going to break it off, why started it on???
I just keep asking WHY and WHAT and WHO and WHERE were u when I need someone...???
Why why why????
Because u r just my bestfren...I swear I will never LOVE u but to LOSE u, I am afraid that...So please...Distance is not the problem but CARE is the problem...

Do u still CARE for me as much as I CARE for you???
Do u ever feels that our bestfrenshipness is getting different???
Do y know why I oftenly contacted u lke usual???
Do u know how was my condition without hearing ur everyday contact???
Do u think that I and U will last forever???

U know what..The answer is all in U...Yes u my dearest , cool , besty JASPAL!!!
It's all I have to ask u...
But since u r busy...I am afraid this besty if urs is disturbing u...So, to SMS u..I think more and further...Whether u will help me or yes...I forget that u r not good with words...So, I might be wasting your time right???
Well...I am not intention to put words in ur mouth but then it's the fact...So y the hell am I wasting my time and urs???
If BESTFREN means it all...Then , it's not wasting time...U would at least cheer me up...From sad to calm...Then so on...
Yes...Maybe...U had found someone else or ur 'X-Loved 1s' had came back???
Or maybe u need a time to rest with ur frens or maybe...U r just in LOVE with me and trying to avoid it by making this way...Well..that's what my mum told me...
I myself, has alot of questions with a different answers...But..The only fact answer I gain is to talk out with u...How to talk when u r busy???
Always...
I just don't want to disturb u...That's all...that's why I am left like this...
All I want is to have a stable relationship with u like how it usual live...
Can u please...Meet me for the last time before u go for ur NS?
Because I can feel that U will be the one missing me like how I had always been missing u...Trust me...That's Life...
U will understand once u miss me like how crazy, dying am I missing u...
I care for u...I care for u...
And this will remain till I met a guy whom will appreciate and worth of my caring...Because I just can't stop care for u...Lead ur way...What u like...
Hoenstly, everyday...I always listened to the Vermillion song..Because the voice of the sings...I heard is U...
The melody of the songs, I just can felt ur here...
And the lyrics...I just understand how am I supposesd to care and patience with u...
I am crying Jaspal...Right now...Im telling u the truth...
I just feel sad...Don't u ever HATE me Jaspal...Because I believe u will see a different me one day...And u will fall for me...LOVE.....Trust me...Im going to prove to u...ALLAH knows everything...It's just a matter of time, patience and keep on trying...Because...Overall..It's the prayer I made...And will always pray for the best...
Writing a piece about...Makes me so relieve that I had prove to world and let it go all of my feelings...
But the answer is till with u...I just don't know howto start it and ask u for a 5 minutes of your time for me...
Yes...I am still crying and very sad...It's just...U, I need u badly...But u means so much to ur frens...U belong to them...And me...U want to know...
What u mean to me??? U want to know???
Yes...U r part of my 1/3 heart...Now its hard for me and it takes time for me to wipe of U from this 1/3 of my heart..I have to pray and be myself at strong...I know, if destiny had made it this way...There's sure an out for this way...
Its just not a matter of getting replacement...
Its a matter of my LIFE...
U r not whom I like...Whom I admire...Because u and me , we are so DIFFERENTS...No even a BREATHE of SIMILARITIES...
What can describe us???
What can us be?
What match are we destiny is?
I don't have the answer and I'm not sure u...But whatever happens...I will not let go off u...because I belive it might takes time..And hopefully throughout that time...I will meet a new one which will never as a chance to replace u...Want to know y...???
U have to ask me urself???
Think if u either can't even face me...Or don't want to call me...
Because...U will get different types of answer and that answer u will get is just like how I used to get answer from different types of questions coming from my mind adn my heart...
Jaspal...
There's a lot of differents between our hearts and minds...
So , u will get different answer from ur heart and ur mind...
Because, my Mind is thinking of that I'm just wasting my time with u...
But, my Heart is feeling I just won't be able to lose u...
I don't know why I'm typing this all out...But I hope...U will know...How much I care for u and how much u meant to me...
Yes , its 1/3 from my heart...
Its already appear ur name...And ur space...
Have I had some space inside ur Heart other than ur mother and grandmother???
Remember that Jaspal???
Once u told me that I will come after ur mother and ur grandmother???Ur two other gals besides me???Is it true???
I just can't try to believe...But my Heart is fighting against my Mind and feel it that is true...

Jaspal.....Jaspal...Jaspal...never in my Life whon I met a guy which I need him desperately...Oh, u r my besty and will always be...No matter what happen...
I will just be by myself...Think of u...Cries for u and always trust on u...

Even though if u found someone else or whoever has come back for u...
If u just ignore me for once...Please do at least talk to me so that I won't disturb u...Not even my feelings on u...I will never be like how I used to be until now, at this moment I'm typing- 2.03pm...
It's just a matter of Heart & U...So please...Tellme the truth so I know and I will feel happy...
Of coz I will cry because either I regret or I m so stupid...
But, I will smile as time passes by because my Heart, there will be no space for a guy like u , not anymore but for those who appreciate me and care for me like how I care for them...Then, will appear their name in my heart...
I promise that once we are not bestfren..We can be casual frens but then I hope there will be no other bestguyfren in my heart because to me...He has died...& NO ONE could ever replace him...Because the careness I get and cared for him as a 'fren', its hard to replace back to others...Only LOVE will come then...
I will always wish and pray for ou all the best...I love u my BESTY...
U r just cool like the way u r...

There are more which I will like to type it out but then...I'm not sure, is this just the begining...???

We are human beings...So I believe that we do make mistake...
I will take it as a mistake which I will never repeat it again so that's why I will never get a best guy fren again...
I just don't want things to repeat...


Once I had close my heart...Is when till my time is over...
So I will always let my Heart open...

But still u insist on knowing why must I and couldn't I get a new replacement of Bestfren...???Right???
U must be wondering right???
Because to me, the fact is that he had 'died'...But I wish he could come back for another chance...
ALLAH is kind...ALLAH knows well...So if he is really a good person in anyway...
ALLAH will give him chance to repent and if yes...There's always a space but it takes time...
Let it be his turn to prove to me...Then I will feel whether this guy have really prove to me that he cares for me like how I cared for him...

It's hard...It's pain...And my eyes is getting blur...
All I need is just a talk and a sincere answer from u...
Thats' all for now...
I hope u understand and feel...How am I feeling...
Thank u...
Take Care...
SaLaam
Rabia

Time: 1140am
Date: 8 May 2007



What does bestfrens actually mean???

JASPAL???

>





>




>




>






>


Two hands to combine one HEART???





>





>

So isit I am at the wrong???





>

I'm not this but u???




>


But then





>


I still insisted to follow my heart not my brain...





>


But then..Im hurting myself...Without u knowing anything...





>

Why???






>






>






Is there any answer???



>






> or isit...






> or still...





>




>



>




>





> It's hard for me...






I think I had made a mistake which will take time to relieve???


>




>






Why why why?????






>





>




>




...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Time: 1051am
Date: 8 May 2007



I just don't know why...I really just can't understand...
Well...I miss u and keep on missing u...
Feels like having a miss call on ur handphone...So that u will know how much is this heart miss u...I even like miss ur



...hahahaha..Im not crazy but u r the one who make me crazy...


Well..Im not going around saying that





Hahahahah..Shit ryt well Im just saying and doesn't mean or whatever...
I sometimes, just want to let it be...I can be patience for till how long, when or what...Many peoples , my frens, told me that my patience is more than the limitations...
Even though during I am in a no mood or whatever which makes me going blur as in when I'm crying or as in broking down or missing u like a fool..I am like suddenly feels like there are so many questioned in my mind...
But the answer, it will be like either negatives or positives or maybe like confused...It's ok with all my heart...I believe that u r really busy...
Hopefully we will meet before u will go for NS...Insya'ALLAH...
u will feel like meeting me too...

I just desire for that...Just wanna meet u...Then I understand...I know...As a bestfren ones, need to understand the situations of the bestfren...



Take Care...
SaLaam
Rabia

Labels: Missing...

Time: 0930pm
Date: 7 May 2007




Now I really understand and had known...U just don't want my frenship anymore???
Y can't u say this to me...U r making me sick...U r tocturing my LIFE!!!
I hate u forever!!!

Time: 0404pm
Date: 7 May 2007



Haiz...I really just don't know what's wrong with my heart...
I just am bored...Im very fed up...I don't know why my heart insisted...His going off at July 13...Wish u all the best besty...
Don't be lazy...Hahahahaha.....
Well...My ties with him is just not as usual like what it used to be...
Im very fed up...I think he doesn't treat me like how I treat him... *sad*
Just feel likes...






I just feel like crying and sometimes I just cried...I broke down because this stubborness of my heart is so like what...
I don't understand my heart, I just can't understand myself...






I wish I will meet Shariffudin M Raffi as soon as possible...
Im very fedup with my besty...I think my ties with Jaspal will no longer be like what we used to be...
Sooner or later...I will get the answer...






Hopefully...It will be good for me because I had always and will always ask ALLAH for the best...We can be at our best but we can give our best...
So it's like we can't have the perfect but we can get at the best...







Sometimes Life will start at the new journey with a goodbye first...Well...This is all depends...
But I know, this will take sometimes and I'm prepared...Because, to get something u have to lose something and if it is especially for your own good and will get much more better...It's better I lose u...
Because I had always cure myself from missing u...







It's just better for me and you to move on...I believe in Life , one never stops meeting...Hopefully , if we are destiny to be together then we will continue either as what we are now or other...
It's hard for me now but I had no choice...My SMS u never reply...It's hard...I had no one else apart of u my dear but then...
I had patience for sometimes and will always patience till when I will be like usual...
I just had no choice now but then...From now onwards, I will do by following my heart...Whatever my heart says so, that's the answer...
I just let it be to ALLAH...
Insya'ALLAH my patience is worth-waiting...
U take care...







Take Care...
SaLaam
Rabia