Time: 0953pm
Date: 12 April 2007



HHHhhhhhmmmm....It's been a while since I last updated my blog...Many problems, many things happened.....I really don't know...I just tried myeslf to understand the situations but yes I did but why can't I just undestand you...I am very fed up with u .....I just wait for Shariffudin M Raffi now...Had enough with u but still am patience with u...Every one around me just can't take it...Im the one who is suffering and they are the ones who's in pain...They are the one who's feeling all those pain...I don't care whta others might said...But my heart is still there for a guy like u...That's what I don't understand the most...
Why Jas...I hate u Jas...But there's still space for u...It's like 'is a must' like that...Why...?????
I just love u Jas...But don't worry I swear that I will never Love a guy like u but u will always remain in my heart.....Bestfrens always but together, hopefully it will turn out to be true...Insya'ALLAH(Amin)
It's ok with me but honestly, people around me said that I am like can do anything just not to lose u...Yes, it's the truth because My Life was and is so different without u here sometimes contacting me...
I don't care but even to be with u as a bestfren...I don't mind because I can do anything for u...This is what a real bestfrens means...Ok...Its hard to tell a person like u because I understand that we are different but I'm very sure that sooner or later u will understand and feel the same way like how I feel towards u from the past till now...I promise...Hopefully...Missing u too much already...Might be going crazy without u but hopefully no...Touchwood...
Take care...
SaLaam
Rabia

Time: 0854pm
Date: 24 March 2007



Haiz...Had been so long since I updated my blog.....I did manage to meet Jaspal on Tuesday...Was very happy and it was like unbelievable that I met Jaspal...
The way every moment we share was an unforgettable one...I really feel like hugging him on that day as was been missing him so much...
I was like dont know la...Since these few days, my heart was like beating for him like that...Every beep on my phone, I was always thinking was from him.....SMS messages also... 3 days straight I went to work, I think of him...I lost customer, I missed him as time flies and everyone who knews me can't get a same 'mood' with me like usual...
I also cried for him everyday because scared that he will fall for another girl...My cousin has already asked me few times to tell him the truth before its too late and my umi(mum in arab) asked me to tell out my feelings to him...Till today my mum had asked...I was supposed to tell him morning, but I think it was already destiny for me to think on for sometime and later I will be talking to him but have no idea what time...Now its already 9pm...No calls or even SMS from him...I thought this just sms is from him but it was from Prem...Haiz(sigh)...I have no idea when will he be smsing me - Jaspal, Jaspal...See, I 've started crying.....I am really scared because who knows he might fall for any girl...Which is attractive...I know that...I really hope he will feel even though I had a few guy frens, he will always must know that he is the first guy who will come first in my mind...Oh, why just can't my heart decide properly...I have no idea whether am I really in Love with him...Its like...So far that I can explain is that, sometimes, I like him as my bestfren...Sometimes, my feelings for him changed as a lover...I had no idea...What is actually wrong with me...I don't care...I think, in Life, everyone must go through of being rejected because from there only u will know whether the person is really having the same feelings as u or not...I am prepared but before I tell him , I better let him know that, what ever happens we are still bestfren...After told him the truth is let say he rejected me, I will still go on with him as bestfren, then promise him that I will never repeat the same mistake again...But hope not so...I know because my umi also had the same feelings that he really like me as how I liked him...I mean LOVE...My cousin also...I am still waiting for his sms...I already had told him that when wake up, SMS me...But see now...If he never SMS me at all...Then its ok...I understand...I guess he sense it...Oh..I had really no idea right now...Where are u now Jaspal...???Why u neva SMS me when wake up already...???Why u do this to me???Has I done anything wrong???Tell me please.....I am always a sorry person...Yes, I know that with u....Why why why??? WHy am I having this stupid feeling ever???Please...Why does everyone around me keep on saying that this is LOVE.....Where are u???Why never SMS me till now...??? Its ok , I'll wait...I had already told u that once u are awake, SMS me...Ok..I wait..MAybe u r just too tired...OK...But just one thing...I still don't understand myself...Why am I having this strange feeling???Well..If it was to be Love then, why am feeling like...Worried, scared, questioned(does not know what is the question), stress, and u and u and u.....Why Jaspal???Why???See...I don't know why am I crying???Is this love???Stupid feelings right???Im just weak...I, myself can't help my own...I don't know...Whether to let out my feelings or just ignore without any solutions...Why do u do this to me???O Jaspal...I just hate u...Really hate u alot...I am still waiting....Always from what I know by around 8pm, u have already SMS me...Why today???WHy why???Do u really sense it that I had a true feeling on u???If this was the case...Fine, I dont want to lose u...I better keep my feelings for u secretively...I just can't dare or bear to lose u, U r mine Jaspal...Sirf meri Jaspal...I hope I don't get to Love sick...I'm scared that I will become crazy...Insya'ALLAH, that will never happen to me or anything that which is bad(AMIN).
Now is already 9.30pm...What are u doing now Jaspal...Scared of me???Oh, I think I said the wrong word...I think now, u r going to become like Rafi...U r going to avoid me...I guess...Forever huh? Fine...Im so stupid...See...I have now lacked of confident and am very tired...My face and every part are now tired...Its pain..Every part of my face because of just crying for you only...Stupid right me...Cry for stupid reasons...Why why why?????
WHy does this happen to me???Im so sad...Why why.....