Time: 1056am
Date: 21 May 2007




It's been a few days since I last updated my blog...
Was just busy and tired...
I thought everything was gonna be alright but then the feeling keeps on come back and fade away...It's like haunting me...Whatever Abu said its true...
Well...I feel so uncomfortable and guessed what...Yesterday, I just followd my ehart..Without any feelings or whatever, I just don't know what has happened to me suddenly...My heart felt that I have to talk...Yes, talk this out so that my heart knows the fact...I don't care what will it be or is it good or bad but the important is whether he is the 'same' as what am I...
I'm just a truthful person..Honestly and sincere...
But, for this bestfrenship of proposal from him, I have accepted with all my heart...
I thought and thought because of this feelings keep on haunting me with so many questions...And I'm like wondering with myself with so many answer.....
Because just one thing...No one is willing to step forward for this...
It's either he just don't care anymore and was not serious about this relationship...
He was just fooling around like how all my loved ones has said this to me...
Or he still listen to one of his galfrens and maybe that she is like having 'a feeling' for this Jaspal and started to cysco his mind maybe...
See...There are many answers...
So, I'm confused...And sometime, this might lead me to stress...
Yesterday, I called him...We both sounded pefectly strangers...
We are like never ever talk before...
Not like for the first time we talked and everything was just so different...
So as a sign of respect...I talked about how is he and how's day and u know normal talking...
Then after that, I knew that he was watching a movie as he was at his goodfren's house...
So I thought I was disturbing but then he said no...Later on, he asked me to called back after half an hour and I called back after 50 minutes...Two missed called instead...
Later on note even any SMS from him...
It proves everything like before but not the answer which scores from his mouth...
So, at night after came back from going out with my family, I SMSed him with a please to talk...Then he replied later as he was eating...
After 1hour 20 minutes, he SMSed that he will be going out with his fren and can't talk...From the way he SMS was like something like 'an escape' so then I replied that it's ok...It's not a normal talk anyway and it's an important things to talk...I really hope he will have a moment to talk as after that, I will never disturb him forever...
Guess what he straight replied...
Three times, and afetr that a miss called from him and after that he SMSed me again to call him but then...Only I replied I was busy and will get back to him later...
Wow...He is like what...
Now, I guessed it's either he wants to end this tied with us as soon as possible or maybe u know it's the other way round...
Abu told me is that he is an ego...This is all was just about his egoistic...
So later on...
We will see what happen...I will finalise with him by today...
And after that...We are just friends, u know casual friends or not...I don't care...
All I care is...I'm waiting for my Mr Right to come...
Because...I believe, when one go, one will come...
When u want something or needed something in Life, the important things or person whom that u are not willing to lose will eventually be apart because there will be much better for u...
So, I will just take it this way...
If he wants to save this bestfrenship...I will consider...Because honestly, I have done my part as a bestfrenship for this ties between us to save...Even though with his 'don't care' way or whatever it is, I have patience with this...I'm trying to let it be just like for the past two weeks but then, it's hard...
Because the feelings keeps on haunting back at u.....U don't know the finalise answer from himself...So that's why...
Sometimes, whether is it my fault or what...I'm not sure and very confused...
All for now is just that, I have to think of myself...Because, I have patience with this so much...
It's strange that bestfren behave this way...
Even with an opposite genders...
I guessed he doesn't know what's the meaning of a bestfren...
All I will say a final goodbye with him is that...
I'm afraid that I thought I might lose u but it's u are the one who is losing an appreciate truthful bestfren...
All the memories with him and whatever it is...Will be a sweet false time between us...
It's just as a clearly view that there are human beings who are wearing 'mask' behind them...
Even though we don't know each other for a year...
Well...
If u r also a ' not good with words' person...U can still think and get the feeling...When u can get the negative feelings automatically...
It's not about knowing...It's about how much...
Don't care the distance but care the feelings...
And its not about false but its the truth...
It's not about pretend but it's about treasuring...
No thanks but appreciate...
Can't believe ur so called long lost contact fren asked me to treasure u...
Well, I treasured u more than my loved ones...
I believe by now...From this kind of fact...
Well...A maybe or not...
We were bestfren but now...Strangers for Life...
Thanks for those false identity...
I wish u all the best in ur Life...
May u don't pass this Journey of Life like mine...
Hopefully, u don't experience like how I experience...
It's full of pain and hurts...
Full of false and ignoring...
Full of uncare and destroying ownself...
Get stressed and might can be mentally unnormal...
And no believe between one another...
The relation ties was not strong because only one was willing to give anything reasonly...
I tried all my part more than everything I could do...
I getting weaker as each time pass...
Knows that every moment represent more than it...
A minute to an hour and an hour to a day...
A day to a week and a week feels like a month...
Getting tired but everything will comes back haunting and fades away again...
Broke down unconditionally...
Mood swings...Na...
Hopefully...U will know how much I have experienced this with u...
There's more but it's just wordless...
Sometimes, somethings are hard to explain and can't be explain...
Hopefully u know someday...
The moment, the time will come for u to experience like how I did...
Then hopefully u will reprent as not to make the same mistake again...
To anyone who u will meet through ur Journey...
Wish u all the best...
Take care...
SaLaam